The Clears

   It all started when our hero, Clear 1, woke up in a vineyard. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling very angered, Clear 1 groped a stapler, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Suddenly, he realized that his beloved Clear 2 was missing! Immediately he called hisundefined, Clear 3. Clear 1 had known Clear 3 for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Clear 3 was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little… annoying. Clear 1 called him anyway, for the situation was urgent. Clear 3 picked up to a very angry Clear 1. Clear 3 calmly assured him that most wallabies yawn before mating, yet bunnies usually charismatically yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Clear 1. Why was Clear 3 trying to distract Clear 1? Because he had snuck out from Clear 1’s with the Clear 2 only six days prior. It was a curious little Clear 2… how could he resist? It didn’t take long before Clear 1 got back to the subject at hand: his Clear 2. Clear 3 sighed. Relunctantly, Clear 3 invited him over, assuring him they’d find the Clear 2. Clear 1 grabbed his coffee table and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Clear 3 realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Clear 2 and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Clear 1 took the truck, he had take at least ten minutes before Clear 1 would get there. But if he took the choke wagon? Then Clear 3 would be overwhelmingly screwed. Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Clear 3 was interrupted by two pestering mouths that were lured by his Clear 2. Clear 3 sighed; ‘Not again’, he thought. Feeling pleased, he recklessly reached for his pencil and fearlessly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent–the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the moor, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That’s when he heard the choke wagon rolling up. It was Clear 1. —-o0o—- As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of socks, so he knew he was running late. With a deft leap, Clear 1 was out of the choke wagon and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Clear 3’s front door. Meanwhile inside, Clear 3 was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Clear 2 into a box of spoons and then slid the box behind his bed. Clear 3 was pleased but at least the Clear 2 was concealed. The doorbell rang. ‘Come in,’ Clear 3 surreptitiously purred. With a mighty push, Clear 1 opened the door. ‘Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling jerk in a ’82 Corolla,’ he lied. ‘It’s fine,’ Clear 3 assured him. Clear 1 took a seat proximate to where Clear 3 had hidden the Clear 2. Clear 3 yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. ‘Uhh, can I get you anything?’ he blurted. But Clear 1 was distracted. Without warning, Clear 3 noticed a pestering look on Clear 1’s face. Clear 1 slowly opened his mouth to speak. ‘…What’s that smell?’ Clear 3 felt a stabbing pain in his neck when Clear 1 asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Clear 2 right by his oscillating fan. ‘Wh-what? I don’t smell anything..!’ A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Clear 1’s face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. ‘Th-th-those are just my grandma’s mittens from when she used to have pet kittens. She, uh…dropped ’em by here earlier’. Clear 1 nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Clear 3 could react, Clear 1 deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Clear 2 was plainly in view. Clear 1 stared at Clear 3 for what what must’ve been four nanoseconds. Soon afterward, Clear 3 groped flamboyantly in Clear 1’s direction, clearly desperate. Clear 1 grabbed the Clear 2 and bolted for the door. It was locked. Clear 3 let out a saucy chuckle. ‘If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Clear 1,’ he rebuked. Clear 3 always had been a little dimwitted, so Clear 1 knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Clear 3 did something crazy, like… start chucking salt shakers at him or something. Rather abruptly, he gripped his Clear 2 tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels. Clear 3 looked on, blankly. ‘What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.’ Silence from Clear 1. ‘And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago…it never ends!’ Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Clear 1. ‘Oh. You ..okay?’ Still silence. Clear 3 walked over to the window and looked down. Clear 1 was gone. —-o0o—- Just yonder, Clear 1 was struggling to make his way through the swamp behind Clear 3’s place. Clear 1 had severely hurt his arm during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral mouths suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Clear 2. One by one they latched on to Clear 1. Already weakened from his injury, Clear 1 yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of mouths running off with his Clear 2. About seven hours later, Clear 1 awoke, his foot throbbing. It was dark and Clear 1 did not know where he was. Deep in the muddy pumpkin patch, Clear 1 was overwhelmingly lost. Rather abruptly, he remembered that his Clear 2 was taken by the mouths. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That’s when, to his horror, a teensy mouth emerged from the pumpkin patch. It was the alpha mouth. Clear 1 opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the mouth sunk its teeth into Clear 1’s abdomen. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Clear 1’s lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure. Less than three miles away, Clear 3 was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Clear 2. ‘MY PRECIOUS!!’ he cried, as he reached for a sharpened paper clip. With a calculated thrust, he buried it deeply into his foot. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Clear 1… wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Clear 2 that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn’s reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant mouths, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would’ve lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end.

*** L337 Story Generator v1.0 *** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright © www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-2005 *** Forever pwning with earnest.

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